Speech occupies a large portion of our non-formal practice time. There is such potential for speech to create harm, while also being an avenue for kindness, clarity, and truth. Because of this, it behooves us to pay close attention to what we are saying and why we are saying it. Fortunately, the Buddha gave clear instructions for what is and what is not wise speech.
The four types of speech to avoid:
- Telling falsehoods
- Divisive speech
- Harsh speech
- Idle chatter
Telling falsehoods means saying things that we know are not true — often for some kind of gain. This could be to make a good impression on someone by saying we’ve accomplished this or that when we haven’t, or to acquire material gain by misrepresenting some aspect of a business deal. The intention in either case is to deceive.
Originally meant to address speech that would divide the sangha of monks and nuns during the time of the Buddha, divisive speech includes disparaging remarks about any other person – particularly those who aren’t present. It also refers to telling stories that set one person or group of people against another. The intention here is to sow discord.
Harsh speech is when one uses abusive and cruel language to insult others. Aversion is often in control of the mind, and the intention here is to harm.
Idle chatter can be any speech that is used for no other purpose than to fill space. There are times when small talk can be used to ease oneself or another into a social situation. The question is, is it being used mindfully? Or is it habitual and pervasive, choking off any opportunity for intimacy and depth of relationship?
The Buddha didn’t stop at suggesting the types of speech we should avoid. He also talked about what speech was worth taking part in — speech that is:
- Timely
- True
- Affectionate
- Beneficial
- Spoken with goodwill
In the Vaca Sutta, the Buddha talks about how all five of these types of speech need to be present, or else one should remain silent. Something may be true, but not kind or spoken at the right time. Something may be affectionate, but not true, etc.
One can use these five qualities of speech as a checklist to decide what is worth saying. For example, Is it true? Yes. Is it kind? Yes. Is it beneficial? Yes. Is it spoken with goodwill? Yes. Is it timely? No. In this case, one would remain silent.
I would add a sixth one to check to this list. That is, is the person to whom you are about to speak to done speaking? So often, our desire to get what we want to say into the conversation is so strong and unnoticed, we start talking before the other person has finished what they are saying! Noticing this, pausing and turning our attention back to what the person is saying supports good communication. It also takes the attention off of “me” and puts it onto the other. As it’s the self that is wanting to be heard, and willing to interrupt another to do so.
I was having lunch with some folks at IMS the other day and was part of a group conversation. It landed on a topic of interest to me, and I just barely caught myself starting to speak before the person speaking was finished. I noticed there was tightness in my body and could let go, relax and simply wait until there was a pause in the conversation. It felt much better!
In the Noble Eightfold Path, the Buddha singled out speech from the rest of wise action and made it its own path factor. Speech is where our intentions come into the world and have an impact on individual relationships, as well as on communities like CIMC and larger communities of culture. Along with wise action and wise livelihood, wise speech allows our conscience to be at ease, which in turn supports the cultivation of mental tranquility and steadiness.