The Buddha clearly valued the presence of wise friends on the path. In the suttas, he taught that when a particular quality of heart such as generosity, patience, or steadiness needs to be developed, we should try to have contact with others who have already developed that same wholesome quality. The Buddha emphasized the importance of “noble friendship and suitable conversation.” In this time, with its stresses and isolation, it is more important than ever to support and be supported by others on the path of awakening.
If we want to realize truth and freedom, it’s helpful to be in the presence of those who are aspiring to and doing their best to understand and express truthfulness and inner freedom. It is more than inspiration. On some level it is transmission: we seem to absorb qualities of heart from one another and are influenced by one another. Although wholesome qualities are developed through our own interest and effort, we can get a clear sense of what they look like and how wonderful they are by seeing them embodied in others. Being in contact with wise friends points to and strengthens our own latent wisdom, generosity, and compassion. When we are in contact with wise friends, it touches that which we already know within ourselves but have forgotten. Some part of the heart remembers a little bit more through this contact. Our own Buddha nature is revealed.
Wise and compassionate friends bring the teachings to life. Sometimes we lack the inner confidence that it is possible to awaken. Sometimes we find ourselves overwhelmed by how things are, particularly in these current times with the conditions we are facing. But to see the dharma manifested in another human being is a way of visibly touching the teachings. To nourish wise friendship, sacred friendship, can help keep the practice alive when our motivation and confidence are faltering. We can read and study and practice, but at times we may feel quite lost. Nourishing contact in the forms that are possible for us at this time—probably mostly via Zoom—is a way to ground the practice in reality. People are tired. There is exhaustion and anxiety, which can make it difficult to reach out to others. I urge you to make the effort to do so.
In my early years of practice, I came out of a long retreat with a lot to process. It was a powerful retreat that bore fruit that I couldn’t have imagined while sitting it. But it was also difficult to integrate what I knew in my bones amid my daily life. I had doubts for the first time that the Buddha knew what he was talking about. It was only because I had such good friends who were all practitioners that I was able to continue. Because I didn’t want to lose my friends, I went through the motions and continued to practice until the integration took hold and my doubts disappeared. I needed my friends to continue. That’s my story; we each have our own. But relationship is always part of it. May all beings take refuge in the Buddha. May all beings take refuge in the Dharma. May all beings find refuge in the Sangha. May it be so.