Homework

Considerations for speaking

In addition to body language and eye contact, speaking is how we communicate with other people. How we speak with another person is perhaps the single most important factor in determining the quality of the relationship, both in that moment and in an ongoing way. Given that this is so, it is really important to bring awareness to our speech.

The Buddha suggested five things to consider before we speak. Keeping these five areas in mind will go a long way towards supporting our speech to be a positive contribution to our relationships. These considerations include: Speaking kindly, speaking with an intention of good will, speaking at the correct time, speaking what will be helpful or beneficial, and speaking what is factual or true. While one or more of these considerations may be present, speech is only considered right or wise speech if they are all present.

Speaking kindly means that one’s words are gently, agreeable, and easy to hear. Even if what we need to say to someone is a difficult truth, it can be said in a way that the person will most likely be able to take it in. This area of consideration includes avoiding speaking in a way that is rough, gruff and peppered with swear words. Energetically speaking with this consideration in mind is smooth and light.

Speaking with the intention of good will means precisely that. Your words are born from an intention of good will and the wish is that they be helpful, uplifting, supportive, etc.

Speaking at the correct time is really an awareness practice. OK, yes, it’s true, and born of good will, etc., but is it the right time? Here we pay attention to who else is present besides the person we wish to speak with. Also, as best we can, get a sense if it’s the right or best time for the person we wish to speak with. So, our attention isn’t so much with ourselves and what we want to say and being heard, but outwards to the other person and the situation at hand.

Speaking what will be helpful or beneficial is an interesting practice. We have to get outside ourselves to consider this. We may think that what we have to say is important. And it may be… to us. But what about the person, people or situation we are in? Is what we are about to say going to add anything of substance to a conversation or situation. Or, are we just speaking to be heard? This aspect of speech in relationship is endlessly interesting to explore.

True or factual means just that. If it’s not, we don’t say it. If it is, then we look to see whether the other four considerations are present or not.

Viewing Relationships As Practice

When Dharma students ask me how they can use their practice to support their relationships, I ask them if they view their relationships as Dharma practice. Do they bring the same intention to be present to their relationships as they do to their sitting meditation? Usually, the answer to that is not exactly. Then we discuss how they might close that gap.

The whole thrust of Buddhist practice is to move from a state of suffering to a state of unconditional happiness. This does not just happen because we wish for it to. Wishing for it is a good start and intention, but more needs to be done. This includes seeing clearly what thoughts, speech and actions lead to us suffering and which ones don’t. There is no arena of life better in which to do this exploration than in our relationships. If we are paying attention, it becomes very clear. Right, when I say this, my partner reacts this way every time. When I act this way I feel terrible afterwards, or I feel uplifted afterwards.

One time the Buddha was speaking to his son Rahul. He said that before, during and after he spoke or took action he should consider if what he was about to say or do, is saying or doing, or has said or done will lead, is leading, or has led to suffering or to happiness for himself, others, or both. This simple, yet profound instruction has the capacity to transform our relationships for the better. First we need the intention to bring this practice to our relationships. This intention will be supported by our having the view that our relationships are Dharma practice. Without this view, we will not have the intention to bring any kind of appreciable attention or practice to our relationships. Then we need to remember (Sati/Mindfulness) to consider what the Buddha said to his son Rahul.

Using the Body as a Steadying Support 

When we run into difficulty in our relationships with other people, being lost in our stories and ideas about the other person is most likely a key component of the difficulty. Other people are just doing what they are doing. It doesn’t necessarily have to impact us in one way or another. If there is reactivity (wanting or not wanting) in relation to another person or group of people, the reactivity is in us, not them!

One of the big challenges in relationships is losing ourselves. By that I mean that our attention goes out to the other person and stays with them. We might notice how they look, including if how they look indicates whether they are liking or not liking us. With our attention all on the other person, there’s none left for ourselves. We literally forget ourselves. Now, it’s perfectly fine and appropriate to be aware of the person and people we are with. Giving them our attention is part of healthy relating. But, it’s when there is no attention at all on ourselves that things become problematic. This is how we miss the thoughts and stories that run through our heart and mind about the other person and about the relationship. 

A simple and profound way to keep some attention on ourselves when we are relating with other people is to remain aware (feel) of our bodies. Particularly where the body is connected to the earth. Without awareness our attention goes up and out through the eye door onto the other person. When we are feeling our bodies, the awareness comes back and down into our body. We are mindful of our body. We remember we are here and include ourselves in the moment. Additionally, feeling our bodies and feeling grounded to the earth supports a sense that we are held, safe and have support in navigating the moment with whoever we are with. 

We can cultivate the intention to be aware of our bodies when we are relating with other people. To the degree that we remember to do that, will be to the degree that we will have more awareness of, and more ease with, all of our relationships. 

The Intention For Non-Harm and Non-Ill Will

 The Buddha’s path to happiness and freedom from suffering begins with ethical conduct. Without bringing intention and effort to transform the unwholesome habit patterns of speech and behavior that reside in our hearts and minds, the practice can’t develop. An analogy that gets used is that you’re in a boat and want to get somewhere, but it’s tied to the dock by a rope. No matter how much you paddle and paddle, you will not get anywhere. Being tied to the dock is analogous to our speech and actions being governed by said unwholesome habit patterns.

So, it makes perfect sense that an initial and important step in bringing our practice to our relationships is that we consciously be aware of our speech and actions in relation to others. Particularly watching out for any intention to harm or have ill will towards someone.  Harming doesn’t simply mean physical harm, which is the most basic and foundational aspect of non-harming. It includes speech as well, which, as we know, has the potential to be very harmful. We make the intention to be aware when thoughts of harm enter our mind and make an effort to not act on them. The other part of the practice is to be aware of how these thoughts and actions make us feel if we carry them out. We pay close attention to how tight and closed our hearts are. To how we feel cut off from others and life when we are in the grips of the intention to harm.

Ill will is different than harming. You can think of it as the intention behind the harming. Or simply the wish that another have some sort of difficulty, challenge or suffering in their lives. So, it’s more of an inner, mental activity that the outward speech and action of harming.  We bring the intention to be aware of these types of thoughts when they enter our mind and make an effort to not feed them, and let them go. This is where we use the mindfulness aspect of our practice. We remember to pay attention in this way.

Refraining from ill will and harming is a basic form of bringing our practice to relationships. Including with ourselves. Our kindness towards others must start with ourselves. It need not stop there though. We can develop the practice so that our speech and actions protect, support and uplift the people in our lives. Refraining from talking badly about another can become letting people know the good qualities we see in them. Refraining from wishing that someone doesn’t get the job they are applying for can become offering them your favorite piece of clothing to wear to the interview because you know they are in need of something to wear.

One can read the above and get a sense of how obvious this is and feel that they already do this. Is this really so? We need to be radically honest with ourselves and look to see if there are areas in relationships, including with ourselves, that we can bring a more whole hearted effort to. Because, without letting go of harming and ill will in our relationships, and replacing them with their opposites, our relationships are bound to be a source of unhappiness in our lives. Through applying this aspect of the Buddha’s teachings to our relationships, they have the capacity to be a source of great joy. The bottom line is that we feel good when we are treating others well, and we feel terrible when we are treating them poorly. In the end, it’s in our control in terms of which we will experience. We are the architects of our happiness or suffering.  

Using Not Self As Spiritual Bypass 

Relationships, especially the more intimate ones, are hard. They just are. They can also be fulfilling, joyful and life affirming. Yet, still, they are hard. The closer the relationship is, the more our old relational wounds get touched. Difficult emotions arise and, because the relationship is safe, each person can end up acting out their hurt and fear.   

Due to the inherent challenges of being relational with other human beings (this is why we love pets. Those challenges just don’t come up and we can just love them), some people avoid relationships as much as possible. Sometimes this is done consciously, and more often it happens unconsciously. One way that people can unconsciously avoid relationships is through something called Spiritual Bypass. 

Spiritual Bypass is when we unconsciously use a Dharma teaching to keep us from coming into contact with something we would rather not feel. For example, someone with anger issues might use the teaching of anger being a hindrance and a defilement to push that feeling down and not experience it. In terms of avoiding relationships, someone who is afraid of the feelings that come up when they are in relationship with others may use the teachings of Not Self to justify not connecting with others. They may say that being in a relationship and noticing what arises is just a way of strengthening a sense of self. 

It is important to understand the two dimensions of experience that Dharma teachings speak about. The relative and the absolute. The relative consists of the conceptual, constructed reality that we all agree on. Lamp, car, plant, you and I. It’s important that we all inhabit this dimension and that we all agree on what the concepts refer to. Otherwise, life would be chaos. Someone asks for the window to be opened and someone else opens a drawer! 

The absolute dimension is what’s underneath, or you could say before, the relative. The concept desk is really just wood, glue and steel. Yet that wood, glue and steel are made up of other things. Which, in turn, are made up of other things. In the absolute dimension, everything is constantly in relation to everything else and everything is constantly changing. The relative solidifies what is constantly in flux. 

When we explore human relationships, we are operating almost entirely in the relative dimension. It certainly can be informed by the absolute, but the nuts and bolts of relating to one another is done in the conceptual, relative dimension. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s just important to know what dimension we are operating in, so that we can apply the correct aspects of the Buddha’s teachings. While Not Self certainly can inform any relationship, using that aspect of the absolute to shy away from relationships is most likely Spiritual Bypass. 

The Courage of the Heart –Living the Brahmaviharas- Home practices*

1) Sit every day. Try sitting for a minimum of 15-30 minutes per day. (more if you are able) Please practice your meditation in silence. (Newer to practice 10 minutes a day- & check out CIMC’s Beginner Drop-in, Beginners workshop, Way of Awareness.)

2) Gratitude Practices:
Write down, 3 things you are grateful for each day. Can be anything. When Buddies are assigned: Text or Email them, 3 things you are grateful for each day.

3) Setting A YearLong Intention, Vow, Dedication:
Finish writing your yearlong intention, vow, dedication. (What is my motivation to come into this Brahamavihara practice? What is my aspiration in life? What is my intention/vow right now?) Then put it someplace where you keep special things. Then, as you go through the year, let it be your compass, your underlying direction, in spite of changing outer circumstances. Let it carry you.

4) The Brahmaviharas: (Divine abodes, divine homes) By reflecting & practicing these qualities in your life & in meditations, you can establish the brahmaviharas as your home. The brahmaviharas are a gift of love that the Buddha himself realized & embodied. This is an opportunity to practice this path by which we learn to develop skillful intentions, attitudes, mental states & let go of unskillful ones. Cultivating an awakened life means aligning ourselves with a vast vision of what is possible for us. The brahmaviharas are tools for sustaining our experience of that vision.
• Loving kindness (metta): friendliness, unconditional warmth, caring. Metta is a generosity of heart that wishes well-being, happiness to all beings. (Including yourself) The practice of metta uncovers the force of love that that can uproot fear, anger, guilt, The culmination of metta is to become a friend to oneself and to all of life.
Near enemy, a quality that looks like metta but isn’t, is attachment;
Far enemy, the opposite, is hatred.
• Compassion (karuna): described as a quivering, tenderness of the heart in response to suffering. It is the strong feeling of wanting to alleviate pain & suffering. Compassion is born out of the wisdom of seeing things as they are. Compassion also arises from the practice of inclining the mind, of refining our intention.
Near enemy is pity. Far enemy is cruelty.
• Appreciative joy (mudita): joy that that is filled with contentment & depends upon our capacity to take delight. We rejoice when we see others happy, we rejoice in their happiness & their well-being becomes our own. Rather than believing that happiness is a limited commodity and the more there is for somebody else, the less there’s going to be for us. Appreciative joy is the understanding that someone else’s happiness doesn’t threaten our happiness. It actually enhances our own happiness.
Near enemy is exuberance. Far enemy is envy.
• Equanimity (upekkha): balanced, spacious opening to all aspects of life. Meeting each experience with nonattachment, non-discrimination with strength & softness. Equanimity understands things as they are. It’s knowing that no matter how hard we want somebody to be free of suffering, we’re actually not in control of the unfolding of the universe. This understanding shouldn’t make us pull away, but rather, can give us the strength to sustain our caring, because it’s not all tied up with our own agenda and our own sense of demand
Near enemy is indifference. Far enemy is reactivity, Impulsiveness

5) Notice in sitting practice and daily life when:
• any of the above intentions, attitudes, states of heart or mind are present in your body, heart, mind. Even for a moment.
• any of the above they are not present even for a moment.
• any the near and far “enemies” are present.
• Please be gentle with this exercise. We are starting slowly.

HAVE FUN!

6) Book & Guidelines: Try the classic – “Loving Kindness, the Revolutionary Art of Happiness” written by Sharon Salzberg (for those who want a book)

Agreed upon Guidelines for Yearlong Program. Practicing the ways below, together, every month can support us in our everyday lives thru noticing our immediate reactions. Remembering that we have an opportunity to pause, check in, & choose how we respond.
• Show up. Pay Attention. Speak your truth without blame or judgment. Let go of outcome and be open to outcome.
• All perspectives are welcome here. Notice your reaction to what is shared and have that be your practice in that moment.
• Everything we do here is voluntary. It is a courageous & generous act to share. It is a compassionate & generous act to deeply listen.
• Speak about what’s alive for you in this moment from your heart, your own experience, refrain from intellectual or philosophical sharing or long story telling, notice if may be judging or blaming another’s perspective. Is it possible to talk from a place of kindness and love?
• Notice what arises as you speak. Are we in touch with what is true and alive or we wanting to impress, to feel important, to be liked?
• Listen deeply; notice what arises within you as you listen. Where do we go when someone says something we agree with? When we hear something that triggers us?
• Please be lean of expression, meaning be mindful to stay on point vs. going tangential. We are a large group, and it would be good to hear from as many voices as possible. WAIT “Why Am I Talking?”
• If you’ve already spoken, think twice before choosing to speak again as it would be good to hear from those who have not yet
• Please refrain from offering advice unless it is specifically solicited or unless you ask the person’s permission.
• Please honor confidentiality. If you need to share with others out-side of this circle, please share from your own direct experience not that of other members in the sangha.

Practice at home:

• Sitting: Continue your daily 10-15 sitting practice
• Walking meditation– 5 minutes a day-Try walking -Find a relatively quiet place with a clear path for about 8 to15 paces. Simply walk back and forth. Find a pace that gives you a sense of ease as you walk. Let your attention settle on the base of your feet or the lower legs. Feel the contact with the ground. Keep your eyes soft, gaze cast down without looking at anything in particular. Avoid scanning. When you reach the end of your path, pause, turn around, pause, and then continue walking on the path.
• Continue with your daily mindfulness activity.
• In the midst of your regular activities, devote two 10 minute periods during the week to being mindful of your body. During this time, check in with your body. Notice, your shoulders, stomach, face, hands. If you find tension in any of these places, soften around them and relax.

Enjoy your practice. May you be well.

Establish your daily mindfulness practice:
Please make the intention to sit and meditate daily for a minimum of 10 minutes. Choose a time of day that works for you, and be flexible if you need to change that, but commit to a daily practice of sitting and relaxing your body, and quieting your mind. Find a comfortable place in your home or office, you could sit on a cushion on the floor or on a chair. Find a time when you can be alone or in a space where you can practice in relative silence. Please use a timer, so you’re not guessing at “how much longer,” and practice meditation in silence.

Start by relaxing and softening into the body, coming into the present moment. You may choose to work with breath or sounds if breath doesn’t work for you. Remember to practice with the qualities and attitude of friendliness, warmth, and curiosity.

As you meditate, begin by settling into the body; aware of sitting and the sensations of sitting such as the body making contact with the mat or the floor, or your sitting bones on the cushion or chair. Then gently bring the attention to rest on the breathing either at the nostrils, the chest area or the abdomen, using the breath as an anchor. This practice is a practice of remembering, so when your mind wanders and you notice it wandering or you wake up from the story/trance you are in, delight that you are awake, ground in the body and gently, simply escort the attention back to the breath, sounds, or contact points. Every time you bring your attention back to the present moment, you are developing mindfulness.

Mindfulness in daily life: Choose one activity you engage in daily—a simple, routine activity, and commit to integrating mindfulness into that activity every day. Such as: brushing one’s teeth, taking a shower, driving. This means doing just this activity while doing this exercise – for eg, not listening to music at the same time. Be as present as best you can. When the mind wanders, simply come back to the activity. This practice is in addition to your daily formal sitting practice.

Please be gentle & have some fun with these home practices!

1) Sit every day. Try sitting for a minimum of 10-20 minutes per day. (more if you are able) Please practice your meditation in silence.
2) Gratitude Practice. Text or email your buddies 3 things you are grateful for each day.
3) Happiness comes from the effort of non-harming. Non-Harming practices invite us to live a life of loving kindness through an exploration of our actions, speech, thoughts.
Reflect at the end of the day:
• Have I done anything that caused harm?
• Have I done anything that was helpful?
• Was there a time where I almost harmed but stopped myself?
4) Practices (read the precepts everyday) This week, develop your own relationship to the Second precept by reflection, exploration and (in Bold). See what you learn. Remember: This not about being perfect- Break a precept- start again– intentionally or unintentionally explore why-learn about yourself!

1. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from killing living creatures and to practice compassionate action,
2. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given and to practice generosity,
3. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from using sexual energies unwisely or uncaringly and to practice responsibility in all my relationships,
4. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from harmful speech and to practice kind speech,
5. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from the misuse of alcohol and drugs and to practice caring for my body and mind.

Questions & happiness to consider this week about the second precept:
The 2nd precept is not to take what is not given or freely offered. A commitment to this precept doesn’t necessarily mean going without, it means knowing what is enough. Can we be content with what we have now? The 2nd precept includes cultivating generosity.
Training in restraint, explore when you hold back from the impulse to take, Use the opportunity to look carefully at the nature of the impulse. What beliefs, emotions, or desires are behind it? What justifications do you use to take things that aren’t offered? Or if they are offered, are you taking for the purpose for which they are given?
The 2nd precept can be a source of happiness: Knowing you have not hurt others by stealing from them. Knowing that you are a person others regard as trustworthy & safe Knowing the joy of blamelessness & the contentment from having no remorse. Lastly, being generous brings joy and happiness.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s version of the second precept: “Aware of the suffering caused by exploitation, social injustice, stealing, and oppression, I am committed to practicing generosity in my thinking, speaking, and acting. I am determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others; and I will share my time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need. I will practice looking deeply to see that the happiness and suffering of others are not separate from my own happiness and suffering; that true happiness is not possible without understanding and compassion; and that running after wealth, fame, power and sensual pleasures can bring much suffering and despair. I am aware that happiness depends on my mental attitude and not on external conditions, and that I can live happily in the present moment simply by remembering that I already have more than enough conditions to be happy. I am committed to practicing so that I can help reduce the suffering of living beings on Earth and reverse the process of global warming.”

• Some additional helpful hints instructions:
• What is your attitude when you are refraining or cultivating?
• What attitude arises when you slip up?
• After a skillful or unskillful act, what thoughts or emotions linger?
• What are positive aspects of non-harming with each precept?
• When resistance arises, what is the attitude in the mind?

• As you go from the habit of breaking the precepts to the habit of honoring them consider:
• What benefits do you see as you refrain from acts of harm to yourself or others?
• What joy, happiness or sorrow, remorse, do you notice as you do or don’t follow your new intentions?

PLEASE BE GENTLE & HAVE FUN WITH THESE HOME PRACTICES!

1) Sit every day. Try sitting for a minimum of 10-20 minutes per day. (more if you are able) Please practice your meditation in silence.
2) Gratitude Practice. Text or email your buddies 3 things you are grateful for each day.
3) Happiness comes from the effort of non-harming. Non-Harming practices invite us to live a life of loving kindness through an exploration of our actions, speech, thoughts. Reflect at the end of the day:
• Have I done anything that caused harm?
• Have I done anything that was helpful?
• Was there a time where I almost harmed but stopped myself?

4) Practices (read the precepts everyday) This week, develop your own relationship to the First precept by reflection, exploration and (in Bold). See what you learn. Remember: This not about being perfect- Break a precept- start again– intentionally or unintentionally explore why-learn about yourself!

1. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from killing living creatures and to practice compassionate action,
2. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given and to practice generosity,
3. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from using sexual energies unwisely or uncaringly and to practice responsibility in all my relationships,
4. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from harmful speech and to practice kind speech,
5. Knowing how deeply our loves intertwine, I undertake the precept to refrain from the misuse of alcohol and drugs and to practice caring for my body and mind.

• Questions to consider this week about the first precept:
The first precept to refrain from taking life is concerned with developing sensitivity to all forms and expressions of life. Where do you find and lose that sensitivity? Reflect: Refraining from is not the same as thou shall not- What is the difference? Is it possible to live & never kill other life forms? This week build in a pause around refrain from and use the space to connect with life rather than eliminating it. Also include any dismissive or negating behavior of another person. What are the effects on this precept when you only consider your own needs? Explore how is the hurt from your dismissive actions rationalized. How have you practiced compassionate actions with yourself and others?

• Thich Nhat Hanh’s version of the first precept: Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I am committed to cultivating the insight of interbeing and compassion and learning ways to protect the lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to support any act of killing in the world, in my thinking, or in my way of life. Seeing that harmful actions arise from anger, fear, greed, and intolerance, which in turn come from dualistic and discriminative thinking, I will cultivate openness, non-discrimination, and non-attachment to views in order to transform violence, fanaticism, and dogmatism in myself and in the world.

• Some additional helpful hints instructions:
• What is your attitude when you are abiding or refraining?
• What attitude arises when you slip up?
• After a skillful or unskillful act, what thoughts or emotions linger?
• What are positive aspects of non-harming with each precept?
• When resistance arises, what is the attitude in the mind?

• As you go from the habit of breaking the precepts to the habit of honoring them consider:
• What benefits do you see as you refrain from acts of harm to yourself or others?
• What joy, happiness or sorrow, remorse, do you notice as you do or don’t follow your new intentions?

1) Sit every day. Try sitting for a minimum of 10-20 minutes per day. (more if you are able) Please practice your meditation in silence.

2) Gratitude Practice. Text or e-mail your buddies 3 things you are grateful for each day. Can be anything.

3) Happiness comes from the effort of non-harming: we are happy when we act on an ethical impulse, we are happy to witness the results of that good intention, and we are happy again later, remembering the act and its results.

4) Non-Harming, Integrity-Virtue are practices that invite us to live a life of loving kindness through an exploration of our actions, speech, thoughts.
• Recollect from class, non-harming is the expression of kindness, caring that we feel for ourselves and others. Recollect what non-harming means to you.
• Do your best to recollect and practice non-harming this week.

5) Reflections: A life of wisdom and compassion begins with an exploration of ethics and values. It is our personal ethics that shape how we live our lives, what we dedicate ourselves to and how we interact with the world.
• Our attitudes towards ethics, virtue are often conditioned by how ethics, virtue was viewed & practiced in the family and culture we grew up in. Spend some time considering how you may have been influenced by this conditioning. What are the formative influences that shaped your relationship to ethics? What ethical training and teachings did you receive growing up?
• When in your life do you feel you were most ethical and when do you think you were least ethical? What personal and social conditions existed that encouraged you to be ethical or unethical? What important lessons did you learn from times you were most ethical or most unethical?
• Which ethical virtues are strongest in you? Which are weakest for you? To help, here’s a list of some ethical virtues: compassion, kindness, caring, generosity, truthfulness, honesty, integrity, service, gratitude, unselfishness, justice, morality.
• Spend some time considering the ways you and others benefit when you are ethical. As you reflect on this, write down a list of the ways you and others benefit. Stretch your thinking so you can make the list as long as possible.

Daily meditation practice

• Continue developing your skill in and exploration of the Silanusati practice.

Investigation practice

• Choose two of the next three unskillful actions around speech. Just like last week, develop an interpretation that challenges and interests you it cultivating greater awareness of action and the cause of action. The next three in the list of unskillful action.
  • Divisive speech
  • Harsh speech
  • Senseless speech / idle chatter
• Be particularly curious when the awareness comes online: After an action, during, or before the action takes place.
  • Did the action have an impact on your mind?
  • Did it have an impact on another being?
  • What would judgment say about this? What would discernment say about this?

Daily meditation practice
• Please continue strengthening and refining your skill in the Silanusati practice using the instructions from week 1.

Investigation practice
• Choose two of the first four unskillful actions. Create your own interpretation of the guideline which hits the sweet spot of inspiring mindful & curious engagement. Try not to be too ambitious or too lax. The goal is to find a personally motivating challenge for oneself which brings energy and awareness into seeing/feeling/knowing our actions intimately. Here are some examples of various angles and degrees of interpretation. Again and importantly, none are right or wrong, good or bad. Some may be more or less useful for your own development of awareness and interest:
1st:
– Killing beings (mosquitoes, spiders, garden pests, etc)
– Striking breathing beings (batting a fly, tapping your dog on the nose when they get into something they shouldn’t)
– Compensating others for killing for our benefit (purchasing meat)
2nd:
– Stealing from another person
– Breaking a rule (jay walking, parking in a no parking zone)
– Dominating a conversation
3rd:
– Adultery
– Wielding/withholding sexuality or intimacy to get what we want
– Compartmentalizing our sexuality from our wisdom/dharma practice
4th:
-Saying something false or untrue
-Omitting or concealing the truth
-Not sticking up for the truth when it’s being avoided

• As you investigate two of these guidelines with more rigor, consider the following:
– Become mindfully aware after a transgression, if possible during a transgression. It may even be possible for you to become mindfully aware before, during, and after.
– Reflect carefully: Did the action have an impact on your mind? Before, during, or after?
– Reflect carefully: Did it have an impact on another being?
– Reflect carefully: How does the mind respond when recognizing a transgression or the motivation to transgress?
– What would judgment say about this? What would discernment say about this?

• Consider keeping a written or audio journal of your reflections.

Meditation

Practice for at least 10 minutes every day. You may begin your daily meditation practice this way, or use this as your primary practice.

Silanussati

p1.

• Bring to mind the clear image or sense of someone has been trustworthy, or who you feel safe around because of how they conduct themselves.
• All kinds of memories may come up, acknowledge them and let them go.
• Choose someone with whom the relationship was/is pretty simple. Call forward a sense of their good virtue, and any authentic sense of trust, safety, or appreciation you feel in response to that.
• Every few moments, gently return to and refresh a sense or image of them, and any natural appreciation that arises.

p2.

• Bring to mind a person for whom you have been trustworthy.
• Again, memories may come up. Don’t linger or get too caught up in them. Acknowledge and move on.
• Clarify the image or sense of the two of you together in your mind.
• Connect with the sense of your own good virtue, appreciating the trust and safety, or the ease and simplicity you created through simple lack of harm.
• Every few moments, gently return to and refresh a sense or image, and any natural appreciation that arises.

As you develop a relationship with this practice over the week:

• You may find the image starts to become a less necessary component. No problem, let it drop. Keep up the clarity though! You may find it’s useful to bring back.
• Thoughts and associations of transgressions from the past may come to mind. Know and recognize that these are valuable to have clarity around, but they are to be de-emphasized during the meditation practice itself. You can say “Thank you, but not right now”.
• You may find that you start to feel a sense of gratitude of appreciation toward yourself for the field of simplicity and trustworthiness you’ve created. This is a lovely and natural development. Feel free to encourage it when it appears.

Memorize the list of the Ten Unwholesome/Unskillful Actions

• Destroying life
• Stealing / Taking that which is not given
• Sexual misconduct
• False speech
• Divisive speech
• Harsh speech
• Senseless speech / idle chatter
• Covetousness
• Ill will/malice
• Unwise view.

Reflect

• Have you tended to behave more as a Rule Follower, Rule Breaker, or Rule Bender?
  

  Investigate

• How do you respond when people exhibit behaviors of the two categories you identify less with? For instance, if you’ve tend to follow rules, what does the mind do when you perceive someone bending or breaking the rules? If you’ve tended to bend rules, what happens to the mind when you see someone following or breaking them outright? Etc.

January 10, 2023 Homework

Heroism, Courage, Love and Fear

Olivia Hoblitzelle: “The later years are most heroic.”

Heroism often requires effort and courage.
How do we remember to be the Heroes of our own lives?
How do we respond to our fears?

Metta – Love or Loving-Kindness – one of the four Brahmaviharas, the four Immeasurables, the Divine Abodes. The Buddha gave his Metta Sutta as the antidote to fear.

Metta as the antidote to fear. To confront Fear with Courage requires Love.

Here are some traditional Metta Sutta and phrase variations. Find or create what works for you.

May all beings be happy.
May they live in safety and joy.
All living beings,
Whether weak or strong,
Tall, stout, average or short,
Seen or unseen, near or distant,
Born or to be born,
May they all be happy.
– From the Insight Meditation Center in California

Some sangha versions:
May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be free.
May we be happy. May we be safe. May we be free.
May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be free.

May all beings be safe
May all beings be happy
May all beings have strength of heart.
May all beings know ease of well-being.

Poem by Michael Leunig:
Love and Fear
There are only two feelings, Love and fear;
There are only two languages, Love and fear;
There are only two activities, Love and fear;
There are only two motives, two procedures,
Two frameworks, two results,
Love and fear, Love and fear.

Krishnamurti: “Fear is an extraordinary jewel … which has dominated human beings for forty thousand years and more. And if you can hold it and look at it, then one begins to see the ending of it.”

Rumi poem: The Guest House – last stanza:
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Even fear is a guest to be welcomed and treated honorably, an extraordinary jewel, a guide. To be welcomed and offered Metta. An extraordinary practice.

Galway Kinnel poem extract, from Flying Home:
From then on, love is very much like courage,
perhaps it is courage, and even
perhaps
only courage.

Reflections:
– Is the word “heroic” meaningful to you? Useful? In what way? Or not at all?
– Was there a challenging situation where you felt afraid, and managed to remember love, find courage?
– How might you have witnessed courage in another/

Homework for Elders:
Most important is your daily meditation practice. Focus especially on bringing awareness to subtle mood/emotional states.
Sometimes helpful to label: “worried” “content” “frustrated,” etc.
Pause practice: stop several times during the day, tune into your body, your feelings, and breathe with loving awareness

3rd Foundation of Mindfulness: emotions

Ajahn Chah: “Anything which is troubling you, anything which is irritating you, that is your teacher.”

“The Guest House” by 13th-century Sufi mystic Rumi (searchable online)

6 Steps for dealing with emotions
1) “welcoming practice” or “handshake practice”.
2) “Entertain them all” Invitation to investigate. Bring awareness to the body; come to the breath.
3) Bring awareness to emotions is a process of purification:
4) Meditation: most important ally: creates space. Every emotion has its wisdom — something positive to be discovered. “like a tiny flame of love in the heart waiting to guide you”
5) Expand your field of awareness: Tune into vast field of interconnectedness.
6) Metta/lovingkindness: “May I/you be free of fear and have ease of heart.” Whenever you turn your attention away from self to others, heart feels lighter. Transforms darkness of separation into feelings of connection

Hafiz, Sufi mystic, called it: “the encouragement of light”

Isabel Allende: “We all have an unsurpassable reserve of strength inside that emerges when life puts us to the test.”

Follow up to Emma’s’ presentation:
Link to Google Groups Tutorial
Link to join Elders Group
Link to join other Google Groups

Key points for review:
• “This Precious Human Body:” key contemplation in Buddhist tradition
• View: body as a mandala– a sacred universe
• Experiencing “the body in the body”
Reference to the subtle body, or the energy body
Includes chakra system from yogic traditions
Breath: bridge between the physical & subtle bodies

• Honoring the body before yoga, tai chi, chi gong, etc. (the words I use)
Hands in namaste: “With great respect and love I bow to this body, abode of pure awareness, vehicle for awakening.”

Feel free to experiment with phrases that feel right to you.

Pain meditation with Stephen Levine:
https://www.livingdying.org/softening-pain-meditation/

Grace and Grit: A Love Story, by Ken and Treya Wilbur

The Wakeful Body: Somatic Mindfulness as a Path to Freedom, by Lama Willa Blythe Baker
Hevajra Tantra says: “Great wisdom lives in the body”

Homework: Find ways to practice mindfulness of the body through your day

Remember the “Pause Practice:” stopping for 3-4 breaths, dropping awareness into the body.

Experiment with taking more time with the body scan at the beginning of meditation, or returning to it, as a way to bring awareness down into the body.

Remember to open, soften, and embrace whatever is happening and send kindness and compassion to your body.

Homework:
Bring careful attention to the nature of thoughts arising in meditation:
Do thoughts tend to go into the past or toward the future?
Notice when there is clinging/attachment or aversion.
Identify recurring mental habits that cause the most distraction, stress, suffering.
What quality do you need to cultivate in working with the mind?

Three resources:
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness
Bhante Gunaratana, The Four Foundations of Mindfulness in Plain English
Joseph Goldstein, Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening

Click here for the Elders Sangha listserv/google group.

Click here to learn more about kalyana-mitta groups at CIMC. 

Play with the concept of centering, finding your center

Notice how meditation strengthens that, even if the mind is busy

Recommit to your practice: both sitting meditation and cultivating mindfulness throughout the day

Reflect on the phrase “the courage to suffer.” How do we find meaning in suffering, and where does our practice come in?

Remember to pause: stop! and simply come to the body and breath, centering yourself.

Quotes:      “A mandala is a secret realm… Let’s each try to regard ourselves as a mandala, the sacred dimension that is made up of many sacred components….Because we are this living, intricate mandala made of so many components, we are ready to fall apart at any given moment…

This Mandala, this sacred universe, is who we are… This realization — knowing that there is no singular self in each of us, and instead we are this complex, beautiful, living

Mandala —  is very liberating. It can give rise to courage, love, and joy in our hearts”

                                                              Anam Thubten 

 “There was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a (person) had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer. What is to give light must endure burning.”  Viktor Frankl

 

Google link for Elders Sangha:  http://groups.google.com/group/cimcelders?hl=en

Link to sign up for CIMC Newsletters: www.tinyurl.com/cimcaffinitygroups

Five Wisdom Treasures: Reflections on Practice

1) Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay)
“Approach your practice with a joyful heart. For me, breathing in and out is a great joy. Organize your practice so it is very joyful.”

2) Thay “Bring a unique dimension of love and devotion to your practice. You need your own love very much. When you sit for meditation, you practice love.”

3) Inspiring our practice: how do you do that? Know all your sources of inspiration: teachers, teachings, books, friends, situations, nature, etc.

4) Cultivating the quality of acceptance toward whatever arises either in meditation or during the day. A spontaneous mantra: “accept the losses”

5) Thay’s response to someone in pain: “Trust in the energy of mindfulness to hold everything that arises… Your wounded heart, your pain – that’s what brings you to the heart of the Buddha.”

Contemplate and experience the subtle power of Thay’s phrase “the energy of mindfulness”

Richard Rohr: “Your True Self is Life and Being and Love. Love is what you were made for and love is what you are.”

Homework:
** Choose a couple of ways to inspire your practice.

** If your meditation practice has been intermittent, make a commitment to deepen it. Even 5-10 minutes a day (best at the same time and in the same place), is better than no meditation at all.

** Remember: you can come home to yourself at any moment by simply pausing and tuning into the preciousness of your breath.

** When challenged by difficult circumstances or emotions, remember Thay’s phrase “the energy of mindfulness” and trust that it is stronger than the pain.

Remembering wise view: see impermanence of everything
Seeing world as play of consciousness
Everyone is a holy mystery:
Lakota Chief Noble Red Man
“Everyone is sacred. You are sacred. I am sacred. Every time you blink your eye or I blink my eye, God blinks Her eye. God see through your eyes and my eyes. We are sacred.”

Hello Sangha Friends,

This month, we’ll be cultivating our readiness – through role-play and discussion – for difficult conversations with family members, teachers, and really, any white person with whom we’re engaging with in conversations about whiteness.

Many of us have experienced how difficult, frustrating, and draining conversations with family and community members about race and whiteness can be. That is why we tend avoid them, choosing to engage in anti-racist work in compartmentalized parts of our lives. But with White Supremacist violence on the rise and ongoing state-sanctioned violence against BIPOC folks, there has never been a more important time for us to call our people in. When we call other white folks in, we not only challenge ourselves and expand our comfort zones, we play a role in challenging the delusions and misperceptions white folks have been conditioned with, giving them an opportunity to grow with us and help them understand their shared stake in dismantling white supremacy.

In addition to embodied practice, meditation and discussion, we’ll be role-playing situations using the following prompts, which we invite you to reflect on in advance of our meeting:

Prompt #1: You’re at a family dinner, and a relative asks you what you’re doing on Sunday. How do you explain what the White Awake Sangha does? How do you respond to their questions and/or opposition? The relative responds to you using one or more of the following phrases:

• “I don’t have implicit bias, I’m not unconsciously racist. And I don’t think that you’re racist – and you’re being unkind to yourself by calling yourself a racist.”
• “I don’t have white privilege.”
• “I don’t identify as white, I’m Jewish/Irish/Italian.”
• “How can you talk about race if there aren’t any People of Color?”
• “That sounds like segregation. I marched in the 60s and we were fighting against segregation.”

Prompt #2: You’re in a meditation class led by a white teacher. A student who appears South Asian shares the following: “I feel like I’m just not good at this mindfulness thing, I have such a hard time focusing my mind and feel ready to give up. Do you have any advice?” The teacher says, “Don’t give up, your people have been meditating like this for thousands of years. It’s in your DNA!”
How do you respond? To whom?

As usual, we’ll meet for two hours, with breaks, breakout groups, and opportunities for open discussion. All are invited, regardless of their level of experience investigating race and whiteness, and no registration is required. We look forward to seeing you there!
If you have any accessibility needs order to participate in our meeting, please email me at: beilahbross@gmail.com, or simply come and let us know what you need when you arrive.

Warmly,

Alex, Beilah, Ben, Gina, Sherry, and Valerie

Hello Sangha Friends,

It has been devastating few weeks, with one mass shooting happening right after another. It can seem we are caught in a neverending cycle of violence, trauma and grief. Please join us in offering karuna and metta to the victims of this violence, their family members, and all those impacted.

This Sunday June 12th from 5-7 PM is the next monthly meeting of the CIMC White Awake Sangha. We’ll use our time together to investigate our response to the most recent act of white supremacist terrorism: an attack on a supermarket in a largely Black neighborhood of Buffalo, New York – one of the worst racist massacres in recent American history.

We’ll honor and mourn those who were killed, reading their names aloud. We’ll hold space to explore our own bodily and emotional responses to the shooting – including possible feelings of grief, numbness, anger, and guilt – and we’ll engage in embodied practices to nurture and reset our nervous systems. Finally, we’ll spend some time identifying and connecting to the inspiration, courage, and resources we need to re-commit to our engagement in anti-racist action.

We’ll be working with the following prompts, which we invite you to reflect on in advance of our meeting:

• Recalling when you first heard or saw news about the Buffalo shooting, what sensations, impulses, emotions or images arise in your body? Does your body want to fight, flee, freeze or submit (play dead)? Is there a movement or sound your body would like to make that might help you discharge some of this trauma energy?
• Who or what inspires you in the work of uprooting racism and white supremacy? This might be a mentor, a benefactor, an ancestor, or anyone you look up to or whose story motivates you in this work.

As usual, we’ll meet for two hours, with breaks, breakout groups, and opportunities for open discussion. All are invited, regardless of their level of experience investigating race and whiteness, and no registration is required (zoom link below). Our goal is to build community as well as resilience, capacity, and commitment for the work of fighting systemic oppression in our hearts, communities, and (most especially) in our beloved Center. We look forward to seeing you there!

Warmly,

Alex, Beilah, Ben, Gina, Sherry, and Valerie